Lately things have been going insanely wrong. From veering off the interstate and my car dies at the stop sign….to approaching the train track crossing and find a train parked – with 8 minutes to spare…. To arriving late to work – again – which will ultimately reward me with attendance points? Not a great start to my day.
As not to complain… other known facts of disrupt in our world –
Falling off a rickety porch – injuring foot/leg
Running out of gas in Tahoe because of faulty/floating gas gauge – other reason I was late.
Losing drivers license, debit card- found debit card- not driver’s license.
Habitually dropping, losing, forgetting and missing things.
Screwing up my words- such as tongue tied/backwards talking nonsense of what I am trying to say.
The list could go on, but you get my gist.
I am completely aware of the turmoil that is upsetting the being of my life. I am aware of the hindrances that block my happiness. The grief is setting in as the disruptions pile up and the overwhelming task of taking it all on consumes me.
I know the true answer. I know what I need to do. I need to surrender all of this to God. I’m finally accepting and realizing I need God. I can’t do this on my own. I try, but it just doesn’t work.
I know God is by my side every step, but I need him in front of me, not next to me. I need relief. I need him to take over. I need him to control the situations of my life. It is the part of me that has to let go of my pride and say –
I need you Lord, please ease this turmoil- take control of my life. Guide me. Instill within me the desires to seek your face. I am in a desperate place. I am upside down in my world and all I know to do is survive. Help me to do more than just survive. Give me your peace while I am taking each step of every day. Lord, I realized I need you. I need you up front and center in my life. Not simply next to me or always with me, I need you to move out front and lead me. My heart is so heavy Lord…lift me…help me. I love you with everything in me. You da best. Give my D a big hug and tell him I love him. And Lord, thank you for everything about my life especially for DMJKAEDAA. I pray this in Jesus’ name. Amen.