It’s not how I wanted it to be. I’m sure at times it’s a drag but my emotions are mine. I dare to live the happy life I want to have yet parts of me simply cant. The damaged parts that hold secretly the hindering blocks to complete healing. Do I want it? Of course not. I was born happy go lucky and I yearn to stay happy go lucky.
Most times I am able to bounce back and keep going but this hurt and this scar keeps me in grief bondage.
It’s foundation is love. It’s release is warm tears on a hot face. Do I want it? No. Not today…..But this is my life.
For whatever reason God trusted me with this life. Everything within the span of my lifetime I am entrusted to bring him glory.
It’s ok to question him. Mothers day is never easy anymore. For any of us. It’s a sharp reminder of the empty spot. The place where a silly, happy go lucky, angry, not a care in the world young man once filled our lives.
Simple holidays. Once a source of giddiness, now a humble treasure of who we are. Mother’s day, fathers day, siblings day, grandparents day, birth days and even death anniversary…The list goes on.
I know at some point in our lives we will gain a peace, but today isn’t that day.
It’s not that we question the why of it all, it’s just our hearts long to hold, hug, kiss, see his smile, hear his laughter, and simply be near him.
That’s not today. We have to wait. And in the mean time we will shed our tears of love…..until we meet again.
Derrick Xavier Watson….you are loved by many. I am beyond grateful God entrusted me to be your mother. As I celebrate mothers day with your amazing siblings, remember I love you to. Xoxo xoxo xoxo love momma!