Sing a Song of Psalms!


What is in a song? Songs are part of our life. When we listen to a song, we are captured in the moment or even back to a moment in life. Songs reflect feelings as we consume the melody, lyrics and beat.

A song can wrap you in saturated joy as well as humble you to your knees. They also have the capability to embarrass you as you matter-of-fact-ly repeat every-single-word of an in appropriate song. These songs reflectour youthful naive “loved the beat, didn’t realize the true impact of the words” moment. And seriously, we have to laugh at some of the wild and crazy things we listened to back in the day.

I turn to the Bible and absorb how David wrote many Psalms. A psalm is defined as “a sacred song or hymn in particular to any of those contained in the biblical Book of Psalms and used in Christian and Jewish worship.”

Songs are a way we identify with ourselves. Songs become a part of us when we go through life experiences. Curious I researched what all David’s Psalms were about.

David poured out his heart into his Psalms to God.  When he fled from Absalom his son (Ps. 3), when he changed his behavior before Abimelech, so that he drove him out, and he went away. (Ps. 34), when the Philistines seized him in Gath (Ps. 56), when he was in the wilderness of Judah (Ps. 63), and when he was in the cave. A prayer. (Ps. 142).

You see, songs are created from within us, and whether or not we originated the words, or we recount to the lyrics wholeheartedly, songs become a huge part of our inner emotional being.

I recall a moment when I was a teenager in the confines of my pink bedroom singingand acting like I was performing in front of an entire audience.  I would sing out songs of Madonna, Cindy Lauper, Def Leppard and even some artists I am entirely too embarrassed to admit. Songs can bring you back. As new songs emerge, new memories are created. A simple melody, a few short beats of the beginning of a song can swoop you back in time, pouring out your soul.

As a single mom, I can remember dancing in the living room with my kids listening to Casting Crown’s “Lifesong”. We also dance and sang songs at the top of our lungs, “City On Our Knees”, “Gone”, “Blessed be your Name”, and Newsboys – “Breakfast” are just a few. We had some of the silliest “act like nothing matters” moments of worship in those days. God blessed us with great memories.

While kids grow up and venture into their own genre of music, a parent can’t help but cringe at what is “awesome” to them. It took me listening to an old Salt n Pepper song to allow me to see the shoe on the other foot. Wow. I really listened to that? Haha! As a matter of fact, I did and I even perk up a bit when the familiar tune fills the room as a Geico commercial appears and a pregnant lady is in birthing class, suddenly they sing Push it.

Aaaahhhh….memories within music. A legacy of memories. An ocean of emotions.

Today, many songs I relate whole heartedly to is Christian music played on Klove. Of course I still listen to my second favorite genre which is techno. I can find these within the Pop Rock songs. (Hey, you can take the girl outta the Yankee but you can’t take the Yankee outta the girl!)

Listening to these Christian songs, I allow the words to saturate my heart. I worship God within these moments. Just me and Him and everything hidden in my heart.

God has humbled me to my core when I accepted the realization that His plan for my life included losing my son Derrick. It came 3 years after kissing Derrick’s forehead one last time and watching the beautiful pale blue casket close permanently. That would be the last moments I would lay eyes on theflesh and blood I brought into this world.

In those days, I was consumed with Not fair, betrayal, anguish and a floodgates of “why”. It became my existence, until 3 long painful years later I finally opened the eyes of my heart to see that God does in fact have a plan. I absorb those promises He giveswithin Christian songs.

Songs are the only way I can submit my entire being to worship, I can cry and humbly be me. I thank God for the songs he places in our lives at perfectly the right time.

The songs on KLove provide hope, encouragement, and the sense that God knows “every hurt and every sting, He has walked the suffering. He knows. He knows. Let your burdens come undone; Lift your eyes up to the one Who knows. He knows. He knows.” Jeremy Camp.

Whether it be Psalms written by the hand of David, or the songs of Christian artists, our worship is one and the same. Crying out, rejoicing, and sitting in awe of His Majesty. Sing a song of Psalms!

Lord, thank you for being Greater in me than he who is in the world. Thank you for allowing us to be silly, happy go lucky, crazy, rebellious, grief-stricken, amazing children of God! We praise your name through everything!

I love you! Love Jean

Hope vs. Belief

Hope vs Belief

Yesterday as I wrestled the debating thoughts in my head about writing for God, I spoke. I talked to my husband about writing. The prior week I typed out an email to express myself about the desires to write and impact those who read my material and “hoping” it reaches even one soul. The letter went on and on about my doubts. Education, fear, politically correct, accidentally hurting another’s feelings and on and on. 

My motive is pure. Innocent.

I sit back and see A LOT of the puzzle that God has laid out for me. Throughout the life he planned for me, I can finally see his hand, and the gift of writing he instilled in me is making more sense. I call this revelation, maturity.

While talking with my husband, still struggling with my excuses he stopped me and firmly told me: You need to just do it. Don’t hope you are going to reach someone, believe that you are going to reach someone.



It shined a whole new meaning on writing for God.

Believe…It is something that I haven’t done before. Every time in the past I hoped the words He uses through me would hopefully (as I say “please God Please”) find its way into another hurting person’s world. Now I have a different perspective. As I send out His encouragement, I will now “believe- oh yes God I believe” that these words will find its way into another soul.

I sigh with relief. My husband is amazing. I am so thankful to have him and I truly love when he sets me down the right path. You know, we think we know ourselves, but those closest to us especially our spouses, can actually see us better than we see ourselves. What a blessing.

With a mind riddled with Hope vs. Belief I pause to imagine a wrestling match. One battling the other. What is the difference? In my mind I thought I knew but honestly I was looking for that politically correct version. There is a difference when you wrap your head around it. When I hope, I have this feeling and twinge of doubt that wrestle each other good/bad, bad/good. Back and forth. BUT when I believe, it’s a confidence in the truth and I rely on God to give me the words, put them in all the right places, love me for being human and put the words into the right hands.

I went to the dictionary to look up both Hope and Believe. Hope is a noun. A feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best. Hope seems worldly to me.

Believe is a verb. To have confidence in the truth, the existence, or the reliability of something although without absolute proof that one is right in doing so.

AMEN. Thank you GOD!

I can now move forward into His ultimate plan for my life. I get it now. Verb is an action. Therefore believing is action and trust in God.

Yesterday I found myself researching how to write for God. Bottom line. WRITE. However on this national webpage there were tons of resources to encourage, develop and guide Christian writers. (Yes I did check their credentials and belief in God and it lines up with my upbringing). While I am not quite interested in paying for seminars or courses, I opted for the one thing that was attainable for me here and now. A book. It is called An introduction to Christian Writing: an in-depth companion to the complete writing experience. AND I found it on Amazon, used, for $4 AND prime is delivering it to me today. HAPPY DANCE!

I am reaching out to ask you to join me in praying and believing that God will instill the absorption as I digest this book and find a firm foundation for my legacy of writing for Him.

God bless you my friends!

Being Stuck

We never want to get stuck. Anywhere. Unless of course it is in a place where love and joy abound. Who wouldn’t want to get stuck there right??

Life has its way of ups and downs, and its unfair twists and turns keep us living a life of purpose.

A purpose? You ask? Yes it is of purpose. While we may not have all the answers, and life seems unbearable, there is still a purpose to what we go through.

Somewhere, somehow, someone’s life is being changed because of someone else’s purpose.

It has been said that “everything happens for a reason”, and “focus on the big picture”. While those are very wise remarks, sometimes we get to a point in our lives that well…we really don’t give a rip about that big picture, or we can’t possibly see that “THIS”is for any type of a reason.

It’s called being stuck. Our brains have told us “there is no point”, “it’s too hard”, “why me”, “how can I ever get beyond this moment”, “if there is a purpose- what on earth could it be?”

Lately I have become “stuck and overwhelmed” with relentless grief. The only way I can describe how I feel is that it makes me imagine sliding down in between two large rocks, I’m stuck yet still not dropping through to the bottom. (like the photo above). I have no idea how to climb back up, parts of me really don’t want to. Its quiet here, but still, I’m getting uncomfortable. My existence tells me I was created for more than this. I was created to be a part of a broken world and encourage others to find that peace we so long for. I need God’s help to get unstuck.

That’s why there is purpose to what we go through. God always turns what we call “Bad” into “Good” (Romans 8:28)

I had a conversation with a good friend of mine. We were discussing a book I finished and recommended. And then the floodgates of emotion opened….

I wrote: I’m just surviving. One crappy day after another. And I hate it. I hate God (in present tense- because He chose me to live this course.) I didn’t ask for this. I don’t want it. Because I hurt so bad right now, I am selfish and don’t care about his big plan. In. This. Moment.- all I care about is how bad I hurt. He chose for Derrick to live 7,337 days, 4 hours and 56 minutes on this earth. 20yrs, 1 month and 1 day. He chose me to be his mother. His plan included my heartbreak. And here I am , right now, trying to simply survive each passing moment and I hate it. I hate it so much that I hurt.  Why? Not why did he die, why me? Why only 20 yrs, 1 mo, 1 day? Why?

Reply: Just understand that you are only in the 2nd stage (of Grief- Anger).Your feelings are completely normal. Remember evil is out there and we need to understand that we are going to have to fight with our demons daily. When they start gaining the upper hand and we are in more pain than we should have to bear He will intervene. Sometimes by just showing you the Holy Spirit. Sometimes by taking your hand and showing you inner peace. But the big thing to remember is that no matter what He will always be with you!!!

Me: I know deep down in me that He is there. I know deep down in me it will make sense. Right now I stand covered in hurt and all I can see right now is my pain. I know it will pass, or ease, but this moment is here. Now. And it hurts like hell.

Reply: (as much as I can remember the words) I really think you should write. If you can take your situation and share it with other devastated people, think of how God can help heal them through your words.

True..……it’s a big shoe to fill….it’s not what I wanted….but I don’t want to be stuck anymore…

Jean A Taylor

“Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.” Psalm 30:5

“….weep with those who weep” Romans 12:15

Understanding “Why”


I happen to stumble across a phrase in a devotional from Revelation Wellness which stated: “ Jesus was LED by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted for 40 days and 40 nights. I love that there’s nothing we face that he didn’t face already for us.”

What this revelation brought to me was that God, Jesus, the Holy Spirit, three in One have experienced every single thing we have ever faced, or will face. Another part of this devotional mentions: “Jesus’ temptation time in the wilderness wasplanned by His Father as the final step of preparation, before he was launched into the stratosphere of worldwide, life-changing, nothing-will-ever-be-the-same-again ministry. It was the temptation that he was being prepared for something greater than what the world, Satan, or his flesh could offer.” “The word ‘temptation’ doesn’t just mean to be bullied or accused; it also means to be tested.”

When it comes to losing a child you default from time to time on “why” God has allowed this. Your very existence and Faith is tested beyond anything you could imagine. The “why” is a strong passion to overcome the flesh and human mind to fathom any single, specific meaning of this tragedy? Parents are gripped into devastational loss in which words just cannot describe the pain that sears over and over and over again, even years after our loss.

Somehow this devotional brought a teensy bit of clarity to my heart and mind. I can relate to God in the fact that He lost his son. Actually the loss of his son was at a greater loss than ours, simply because he was murdered for the evil and sinful things that we do, so that we can be blessed with grace and forgiveness. If you have lost a child, perhaps your story is similar, however mine is not. My son died by suicide. Suicide in itself envelopes and grips the victims family and friends in earth shattering ways. Suicide survivors, like other survivors experiencing a death of a child/loved one desperately seek out comfort, understanding and challenge their existence to make sense of it all as well as figure out a way to go on themselves.

Going back to explaining the clarity the devotional brought me, was, “Jesus’ FATHER planned for Jesus to be in this wilderness.” The reason? “To set the stage for a “stratosphere of worldwide, life-changing, nothing-will-ever-be-the-same-again ministry.”

There we have it. If God the Father canpurposely PLAN to have HIS SON go through the wilderness, experience all the temptations to prepare him for something greater than what the world, Satan, or even Jesus’ flesh could offer, then God the Father can also purposely PLAN to have us go through it too. The reasons He does, is because he is planning for many other lives to be reached and brought towards Him. For his Kingdom. For eternity. Remember, Isaiah 55:8-9 says “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the LORD. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.” (NIV)

That in itself offers hope, grace, and understanding. We just simply have to see the bigger picture, call on him during times of temptation, excruciating grief, and loss of hope. “You have the living God standing up inside of you.” That is comforting to know that He is always there, inside of us carrying all of this heartbreak with us AND that He knows what we are experiencing because he is experiencing it with us.

It kinda reminds me of how parents carry their children through tough times. When you KNOW the bigger picture to what your child is going through, you can see further than they can and know that things will be ok, and that everything happens for a reason. Maybe it is not making the team, first love heartbreak, etc. (u know from experience that God allowed/planned this so your child can go into what he knows is better for your child. Your child learns from this, even tho they are devastated during the moment and beyond- you as a parent know and trust the bigger picture. 

So why is our heartbreak any different? Trust GOD. Besides, our child is already with Him, which in itself offers so much hope. It is now that we see Heaven differently. Once we longed for Heaven, but now we have an overwhelming passion that Heaven is Home. Besides, this broken world has nothing for me; this is not where I belong. I belong in Heaven and until I get there, I will live out this life that my Father has planned for me. Whether it be a parent, wife, sister, daughter, friend, May I be used as a vessel to bring him joy and lead his children home in the perfect way He sees fit.

I would like to thank Revelation Wellness for inspiring and encouraging me through their devotional to fulfill this post.

I love you, Love Jean


Hearing from God: half empty or half full?

Hearing from God- what’s your perspective? Half empty or half full?


It’s funny how God uses things or people to talk to us.

In desperate times you find yourself clinging to God more desperately than you do in your every day to and fro day.

Lately I have been desperately reaching out for him. Struggles have come slow and consistently. As I hammer down this prayer I’m writing it because I need it out of me and into His hands…. Lord, please don’t give me more than I can handle and when I think I can’t handle it any more, please show me your relief. The devil is hard at work right now. And the more progress we make, the harder he tries to hit. Lift me higher God. I need you. Your wisdom. And anything you have to offer to keep me from losing my mind and my drive. I know you love me. I need that proof. Even in the littlest. Thank you.

I’m currently reading a bible app plan called “God’s dream for your life”. I started and got too busy to complete. But in this present time, I need it, so I go back to the days missed and it’s funny because it is exactly what I need right now. Not back then when I started but this exact day.

I see Gods handiwork as he strategically places people into our lives. I have watched people come into my life and not understanding the full picture but soon they are gone, and another, and another. I am a person who develops meaningful relationships with those that surround me. Suddenly God places the exact person in place. One of his children, one who will lift up many who are in a broken world.

One thing this person and I have in common is the loss of a child. (Who knew). One thing this person said to me that I wasn’t expecting allowed me to see my grief from a different point of view. I was told that I was very blessed. That I was able to spend 20 years with my son. My friend’s story wasn’t the same. The story unfolded and roughly less than 2 years out of the 14 years of this boy’s life was spent with his parent. Regrets and heartbreak are still being nurtured by God. The testimony opened my eyes to see that I AM blessed. With some of my own regrets, I still was able to spend 20 incredible years with Derrick. The glass is half full now. It used to be half empty- seeing only my heartbreak, my loss, the what if’s, the should have been’s. All of this half empty perspective is teetering on half full mentality.

It’s when we stop to assess what God has truly blessed us with, we can come into a place where we can see the other side of things. We will never have full knowledge of every little thing but if we look at big picture and trust God with the rest, everything becomes half full.

What is happening with you that you can stop for a minute and look at it from a different point of view?

Life is never easy but with God by your side leading the way, life has meaning and purpose. Thru everything. Always.

I love you, 
Love Jean


Not today.

Forever changed. 
It’s not how I wanted it to be. I’m sure at times it’s a drag but my emotions are mine. I dare to live the happy life I want to have yet parts of me simply cant. The damaged parts that hold secretly the hindering blocks to complete healing. Do I want it? Of course not. I was born happy go lucky and I yearn to stay happy go lucky.
Most times I am able to bounce back and keep going but this hurt and this scar keeps me in grief bondage.
It’s foundation is love. It’s release is warm tears on a hot face. Do I want it? No. Not today…..But this is my life.
For whatever reason God trusted me with this life. Everything within the span of my lifetime I am entrusted to bring him glory.
It’s ok to question him. Mothers day is never easy anymore. For any of us. It’s a sharp reminder of the empty spot. The place where a silly, happy go lucky, angry, not a care in the world young man once filled our lives.
Simple holidays. Once a source of giddiness, now a humble treasure of who we are. Mother’s day,  fathers day, siblings day, grandparents day, birth days and even death anniversary…The list goes on.
I know at some point in our lives we will gain a peace, but today isn’t that day.
It’s not that we question the why of it all, it’s just our hearts long to hold, hug, kiss, see his smile, hear his laughter, and simply be near him.
That’s not today. We have to wait. And in the mean time we will shed our tears of love…..until we meet again. 
Derrick Xavier Watson….you are loved by many. I am beyond grateful God entrusted me to be your mother. As I celebrate mothers day with your amazing siblings, remember I love you to. Xoxo xoxo xoxo love momma!


Deciphering Grief from Reality

Many times we are so wrapped up with keeping up with the Joneses that we hardly take time to take a breath and realize – we’re truly living for our own happiness and desires.

One day last September I stood determined to change my life by changing my eating habits, learn to incorporate exercise and completely turn my health around into a happier healthier Jean.

Through the help of the Fitgirls guide, I was able to have fun as I gained knowledge, confidence and lost 36lbs. The “challenges” brought out more challenges within myself such as learning not to “compete” against others and simply “Do this” for myself. Once I changed this perspective it allowed me to relax and focus on myself through the journey.

As I have lost those 36lbs I feel much better. I am looking to continue this healthy lifestyle yet I find myself trying to decipher my grief from my reality. I watch my fellow fit friends as they are pressing on and continuing their journey….yet I stand here paused. At the moment I am satisfied with the major healthy difference I have achieved in such a short time. It isn’t my ultimate goal, but I am extremely proud and enjoying my current physic.

My existence is currently allowing my soul to pause at the urgency of “press press press go go go and do do do”.I am allowing myself the time to grieve the loss of my son and simply enjoy how far I have come in my new me fitness journey.

My heart looks forward to the continuing journey and my long term goal, but at this time, I am allowing myself to breathe, be me and stay as closely on track as I possibly can without the hype or pressures to be better.

Taking care of ALL of you is more important than staying with the crowd. If you were an athlete in training and you pulled a muscle, you would naturally nurture and tend to the injury rather than miserably pushing yourself forward into your ultimate goal and risk permanent damage. A wise athlete would also know at what point their body is capable to rise up and continue when ready.

This example reflects our emotional healing. When life consumes you and you have no choice but to face your grief, YOU MUST ALLOW IT TO FLOW. So you can heal. Be wise to recognize when it is time to jump back on track with your goals. Don’t allow excuses to consume your efforts. Press on when “you know you can” and back off when “you know you must”. A balance between physical and emotional well being will lead you into a happier successful healthy goal. A happier healthier you.

I found a quote by Benjamin Allen that reflects grief and true reality: “Loss is the most challenging experience I believe I have ever faced. There isn’t a simple roadmap that navigates the afterloss in one specific way that works for everybody. Each person has to find his or her own rhythm and time.”

I love you! #permissiontobeyourself
Love, Jean