Realizing you need God

Lately things have been going insanely wrong. From veering off the interstate and my car dies at the stop sign….to approaching the train track crossing and find a train parked – with 8 minutes to spare…. To arriving late to work – again – which will ultimately reward me with attendance points? Not a great start to my day.

As not to complain… other known facts of disrupt in our world –

Falling off a rickety porch – injuring foot/leg

Running out of gas in Tahoe because of faulty/floating gas gauge – other reason I was late.

Losing drivers license, debit card- found debit card- not driver’s license.

Habitually dropping, losing, forgetting and missing things.

Screwing up my words- such as tongue tied/backwards talking nonsense of what I am trying to say.

The list could go on, but you get my gist.

I am completely aware of the turmoil that is upsetting the being of my life. I am aware of the hindrances that block my happiness. The grief is setting in as the disruptions pile up and the overwhelming task of taking it all on consumes me.

I know the true answer. I know what I need to do. I need to surrender all of this to God. I’m finally accepting and realizing I need God. I can’t do this on my own. I try, but it just doesn’t work.

I know God is by my side every step, but I need him in front of me, not next to me. I need relief. I need him to take over. I need him to control the situations of my life. It is the part of me that has to let go of my pride and say –

I need you Lord, please ease this turmoil- take control of my life. Guide me. Instill within me the desires to seek your face. I am in a desperate place. I am upside down in my world and all I know to do is survive. Help me to do more than just survive. Give me your peace while I am taking each step of every day. Lord, I realized I need you. I need you up front and center in my life. Not simply next to me or always with me, I need you to move out front and lead me. My heart is so heavy Lord…lift me…help me. I love you with everything in me. You da best. Give my D a big hug and tell him I love him. And Lord, thank you for everything about my life especially for DMJKAEDAA. I pray this in Jesus’ name. Amen.

 

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